Dear Readers,

Yes we’ve seen them all for a while, especially in my famed pun wars with Noah Vosen, who I thank for this golden oppertunity.

Here I will publish all of his puns:

”Did you hear the joke about the cherries? it is pitiful.

How do you know policemen are strong? they can hold up traffic.

What are you doing when you are forcing yourself to survive by eating other people’s herbs? You are living on borrowed tyme.

What do you call 4 matadors in quicksand? quarto cinco

What did the Spanish farmer say to his chickens? Olay!

1. A woman lived in Paris, and she was told that her husband had died. She went crazy, and threw herself in the river. She was declared In Seine.

2. Why is an elephant big, grey, and rough? Because if he was small, white and smooth, he would be a asprin tablet.

3. Why did the seagull not want to fly over the bay? Because if it did, it would be a bay gull. (if you don’t get it, read it aloud.)

4. A woman lived in Egypt. She was informed her husband had died in the war, and she couldn’t believe it. Eventually she threw herself in the river. She was in denial. (again, try reading it out loud)

1. What does erosion do when it needs stuff? It goes to the bank.
2. Did you hear about the short fortune teller who escaped from prison? She was a small medium at large.
3. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
To be able to write these puns, I need the help of my staff. Here are some of their names, along with their positions:
Russian chauffeur: Picov Andropov
Second shift meteorologist: Clou deovernite
Dating consultant: Anny van wildew
More later!Now I will make like a tree and leaf.

1. I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. I for got how to throw a boomerang, but it eventually came back to me.

3. A man manufactured suits. You could say he had a vested interest in his product.

4. Police were called to a daycare where a child was resisting a rest.

Now make like a banana and split!

Hello again, fellow punster.

1. A man drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the mercedes bends.
2.The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
3. When clocks are hungry they go back four seconds.
4. to write with a broken pencil is pointless.
5. What’s the definition of a will? (Its a dead giveaway)
6. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
7. Russia was slow to recover after world war II because it kept Stalin. (try reading it aloud)
and, one of my favorites of all time:
Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of defeat.”

These have sparked my reponses too:

“

1. A hated Greek architect was known to be such a jerk, that people called him a “Doric”.

2. Why did the calendar walk forward? Because it was March Fourth.

3. Why do knights read so much? They have many pages.

4. Why did the Egyptian hold his nose? Something Sphynx.

5.What did the singername his son? Mike.

Make like a drum and beat that!

1.Why did the geologist go to the concert? He rocked!

2.Why did the dino have a heat pack? His legs were saur.

3.What has e in the front, e in the back and only one letter? An envelope.

4.How does a dog with no nose smell? Horrible.

1. How’d the person who worked in the vegetable garden look? Radishing.

2. What do you call a drummer who insists as using his head for an instrument? A concusionist.

3. Which political party supports toupees? The Whigs.

4.Why’d The Maya’s stop writing? Their pen ran out of Inca.

5. How did the man destroy the acid factory? Basically.

1. Ghandi had many odd habits which resulted in numerous health problems. For instance he walked barefoot, giving him many callouses on his feet. He also fasted a lot, making him have bad breath and making him very fragile. Therefore he was a:
Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. (Oy Gevult)
2. A woman has two identical twins. She puts both of them up for adoption. One goes to Spain, and is named Juan. Another goes to Egypt, and is named Amal. So Juan sends a photograph of himself to his birthmother, and she says to her husband “I wish I had a picture of Amal too.” Her husband says “There identical twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
3. Guidance about herbs has been called “sage advice”.
4. Isn’t a pity that the music at most of today’s jam sessions isn’t likely to be “preserved”.
5. A group of chess enthusiasts walked into a hotel lobby, and were bragging about their recent Christmastime victory. The manager promptly kicks them out. The leaders asks why, and the manager said “I can’t stand Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
6. Speaking of foyers, what do you call someone who thinks all political discussions should be done in foyers? Lobbyists.
7. In India when a member of a band played a practical joke on the band’s leader, by draping a femenine garment on his music stand, the bandleader promptly fired the man, and said to him “Now who’s sari?!”
8. A study was conducted on how different groups of people cut tomatoes. For instance, firefighters are known to chop. Policemen are known to slice. But, gamers and gambling addicts are known to DICE.
9. What did the rabbit say in the toast? “Hare’s to you!”
10. What former name of Bejing was known to cheat? Peking.”

I am very proud of this long lasting pun war. In addition to these pun wars, I’ve also usually put a pun to seal off a post.

Here are some:

From “This is our web-log”: “Pun:Why did the mother scold the chicken: It used foul language.”

From “FLAGrante Delecto” (Which by the way is Latin for ‘to be caught in the act’): “Pun: What the mathematician say, when he saw an angel? “It’s a sine!””

From “February 11″: “Why was the man angry at the clown? It made a rude jester.”

From “Blog-facts”: “Pun: What do you call a movie about feelings? An emotion picture.”

From “February Vacation”: ” What did the nervous guitar do? Fret.”

From “Comments Galore”: “What did the feline animal do on the golf course? CATty.”

From “Aaron (February Vacaton) Antics”: “Pun: What greek myth do bears like? PANDAra’s box.”

From “Snow”: “Pun: Why did the cow like the intricately twisted thing on which grapes grow? It was a bow-vine.”

From “Art Staz is almost Back!” Pun: Why did the father name his son Polaris? He wanted him to be a star.”

From “February 25″: “Pun: How do shapes go places? They take a rhombus.”

From “March 3, 2008″ “Pun: What do you call a chicken’s ghost that is mischevious? A poultry-giest (Seemed apropriate for this kind of movie)”

From: March 5, 2008: “What type of key hates thanksgiving? The turKEY”

From “Pi Day”: “What do you call a pumpkin divided by it’s radius squared? Pumpkin pi.”

From “This is Spring”: “Where did two bedbugs get married? In the Spring.”

YAY! Puns are like minerals, they rock! Please send your comments with your puns here from now on, as this is pun grand central station.

From : Some one who likes puns. I LUV puns! THy so cool!

Noah Vosen, if you’re out there write back, please! Aaron wrote: “I love pocky! It is good!”

This just in from Noah Vosen:
“Sorry I am late, but I was on a trip. My response: (if you read this)
1. Pencils are only good to a point.
2. I had some back trouble, but it is all behind me now.
3. (don’t remember if I used this before) A man lost his left arm and left leg, but he is all right now.
4. (Unix/linux geek joke warning): There’s no place like ~.
5. There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
6. A general started bowling before his aide entered his name on the score sheet. He had launched a pre-emptive strike.
Thanks”
Well here is my move:
1. There are three types of people in this world, those who can count, and those who can’t.
2. Why did Romania eat a big lunch? It was Hungary.
3. What did the parasite do when I threatened it? Flea!
Your move!